so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am naked and annoyed.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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