Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
