Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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