I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
