btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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