I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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