I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
