And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
