i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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