walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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