Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
