I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
