The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
