she's into porn, im staying here tonight
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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