The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
