I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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