I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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