woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
