someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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