if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
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