i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
