it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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