Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
