if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The beer is more important than you right now.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
True college students do jello shots in the library
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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