do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
