Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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