I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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