So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
