I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
