So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
