I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
