I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
