I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
