At least make sure they are 18
Why
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we're making bets on your personal life
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
