so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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