The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
