I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
