I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
