I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
