Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
