Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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