There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
