He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
