went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
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IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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