I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
There's always time for handjobs
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
