Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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