someone owes me an orgasm
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
