Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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