I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
