You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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