1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
