i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
