So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
