You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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