Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
