while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
