Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
