im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I'm always down for nudity.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
