I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
