Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
