Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
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