Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
