when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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