You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
