captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
