awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
