I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
