Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
